Hess Family

Being a mom is scary. I am actually freaking out. You know when I think back on my childhood my real memories start when I was in preschool. As bad as this is to say I used to think they are still so young I can get away with this or that. Well now you are getting old enough to remember things, and for the first time as a mama I am scared to death to raise you! I have so many hopes and dreams for you all. It is so hard for me to know how and what to teach you so that you will become successful, loving, human beings. And when I say successful I'm not talking about money. I mean that you are functioning, happy, strong, people who know right from wrong and who chooses to do right.

This past week Max you have been out of control. Seriously you have been just nuts. I thought I might lose my mind and then as I was trying to think why on earth have you been so naughty. I realized that it was prob a side affect from some medicine you are taking for your asthma. So I started doing some research which I should have done from the beginning rather then obeying the doctor blindly. As I researched this medication I felt horrible! I felt like a failure as a mother, and I just wanted to cry and to go climb into your bed and snuggle your little body. These past few days I have lost my patience with you several times and as I sat here tonight reading about this medication I kept thinking about how you must be feeling and how you aren't meaning to be so out of control. I started contemplating our responsibility as parents and I was just overwhelmed with how big of a job it is. It truly scares me to death, but then again I know what I need to do, I know that as long as I am staying close to my Heavenly Father and obeying his commandments and doing what he asks that I will be guided in this HUGE journey, and that as different situations come up we will be directed in knowing how to handle them. I know that our Savior knows us and loves us individually and he too wants each of you to be happy. I know that I am never alone and that all that I need to do to have his guidance and spirit, is to believe and to have faith. And as I think about parenting each one of you knowing that I am not alone in the process is such a huge comfort. A comfort that no one can understand unless they are a parent themselves.

I hope I don't fail you! I hope I teach you what you need to know, and most importantly I hope that you all know how much we love you and how hard we try no matter how many times we mess up. Everything that we do, we do it thinking it is in your best interest. We want you to be happy! Although it's a scary job it's my favorite job. And I wouldn't trade you freaks for anything!!!